An Attempt to Precisely Measure The Depth of My Head's Penetration Into My Ass

[Repost from Old Site]
[What follows is an unsent letter to an individual who made some very rude comments to me about politics.  I have considered myself a Conservative Moderate for some time, and in the 2008 election, I voted for John McCain.  Upon reporting this intention, I was mercilessly slandered by a complete stranger as my friends looked on.  The experience humiliated me, and this passive-agressive letter was my way of working it out.  In my life, I have known a great variety of people of varying political opinions, and it has uniformly been my experience that the further one stands to the left, the more likely one is to indulge in closed-minded, even hateful slander towards those of differing opinions.  I am a Conservative, and I have never once told anyone that their beliefs are stupid, in anything but jest.  This essay expounds upon my political beliefs in the context of that experience.]
In response to your recent question as to how far my head must be up my ass to vote for John McCain in the upcoming election, I have the following things to say. (I shall attempt to be mercifully brief, & accordingly I ask you to do me the favor of not mistaking brevity for incomplete logic)
Firstly, I feel that comments such as yours are symptomatic of the emotional, polarizing attitudes that are tearing this country apart. Furthermore, I feel it is symptomatic of the mindset that the left somehow has a monopoly on intellectualism; as if education & reason can only lead to a certain set of conclusions. I personally think that rational persons can reach any number of conclusions (whether I happen to agree with them or not) without any sort of anal penetration, cephalic or otherwise.
In a few words my reasons for favoring McCain (at the time of this writing, for I am open minded enough to admit I may still be swayed) are as follows:

• I believe his personal strength and character is more suited to an administrative job such as the presidency. I do not question Barak Obama's personal integrity or character, he is clearly a man of great accomplishment, but I feel he is more suited to being a member of the legislative branch. In this, I am speaking purely of my impression of the general psychological countenance of each man.
• Though I acknowledge that both candidates are possessed of leadership skills, I feel that Obama's brand of leadership is more suited to philosophical discourse than actual administrative minutia. During the campaign season it is easy to forget that the primary job of a president (indeed, of any administrator) is to delegate duties to appointed individuals, which leads me to my next point,
• The sorts of individuals a president appoints to cabinet positions have a great effect on what actually happens in the executive branch. In my experience liberal democrats are more disposed to assigning power to people who hold radical viewpoints. True, there are radicals at all points in the political spectrum, but Republicans are rarely seen to appoint the Fred Phelps' of this world to positions of power, while Democrats would almost certainly laud appointing the Jesse Jacksons of this world into powerful positions. I do not believe that radicalism of any sort ever did anyone any good, anywhere.
• Having taken the time to research, in detail, the policies of both candidates as listed in the “Issues” sections of their respective websites, I find that both candidates seem to want to solve the same problems, & I feel that McCain's proposed actions are a) more likely to move towards solvency, b) less radical in their presentation & intention, and thusly c) more presentable to a congress of entrenched bureaucrats from both parties. McCain's prolonged tenure in the legislative department lends him more clout with these types of Washington insiders; who are, after all, the people who pass the laws (or don't).
• Barak Obama wants to engage in diplomacy (i.e. negotiate) with terrorist organizations like Hezbollah & Hamas. This action, though motivated by a drive towards world peace, will do nothing but legitimize the actions of these groups, proving to them that fear & violence are viable ways to achieve your political goals & that the AMERICAN PRESIDENT will be willing to listen to your threats. This is unacceptable.
• I firmly believe that Obama is at heart a socialist, and that socialism itself is a logically incomplete philosophy that can be shown in history to end up harming the very people it intends to benefit. I believe that while intentions may be good, any policy that tends towards socialism will end up causing harm.
• I believe that the concentration of wealth is, in fact, for the best. Bear with me for a minute. I think it is easy to see someone take a really big piece of cake & think, “Hey, he has more cake than me, give me some!” without ever thinking that perhaps that person is going to save some of the cake for later, rather than eating it all now. I acknowledge that people must spend money to keep the economy going, but to think that the wealthy just keep all their money somehow locked away from the rest of us is just plain ignorant, and displays a fundamental misunderstanding of what “wealth” actually is. Even my puny mortal checking account becomes working capital for a bank that gives business & mortgage loans. People with true “wealth” do not keep it in giant bathtubs of gold coins, it is out there, at work in the economy, being invested in diverse stock portfolios, mutual funds & business ventures that are the very stuff of the economy. People who lack the talent & drive to amass wealth in the first place tend to simply spend it on goods & services, many of them being unnecessary, & this contributes to the economy far less. Money has more moving power when it moves in large amounts & I believe that those large amounts of money should be managed by those intelligent few who have the knowledge to do so. To think that these few are motivated purely by greed is profoundly ignorant. Having known scores of supremely wealthy people, as well as scores of poor people (some of them destitute), I have found that it is the people who lack wealth that are motivated by selfish greed, & knowing nothing else, they carelessly project these characteristics onto their betters. The wealthy people I have known have been motivated by such things as taking care of their families & making a positive difference in society. As a result of this rather long-winded point, I feel that any attempt to redistribute wealth (even a well meaning tax cut for the middle class) will ultimately be bad for everyone. My father is a man of wealth, but also of principle & accordingly I have received precisely NOTHING from him beyond my college education. I AM poor. As such, I might stand to benefit from any lower-to-middle class tax cut Obama may impose, but as a man of principle, I would rather keep working hard & making every dime of my own money & have my father be able to keep his own (which he has earned through decades of self-sacrifice, service to others & rational policy-making) & keep it at work in the businesses he owns. This point is also why I support McCain's intention to cut the corporate tax, which is much higher in the USA than many other countries. Businesses investing money makes the world go round, not you buying more groceries. Sorry.

I apologize, I indulged myself a bit on that final point, but I feel that our economic “crisis” is of central interest to the majority of the voting populace, and accordingly I chose to focus on it.
In general, I think Barak Obama is a conscientious, hard-working American with well-intentioned ideals, but a lack of the fundamental ability to put them into practice that will ultimately benefit our country. I think John McCain is a natural leader who might run a shitty campaign, & might not always do things I love, but who will use his experience to do what is right & surround himself with a cabinet of similarly experienced administrators who will help him & potentially make reasonable, sober decisions without involving partisan spite or radicalism.
My choice of candidates is not an idealistic one, but a pragmatic one. I've never seen an ideal candidate myself, although many seem to consider Obama beyond criticism. I think that this is simply a case of small minded people (who only see their little part of the picture) mistaking eloquence & intelligence for qualification. I personally feel that Roger Waters (lead singer/songwriter of Pink Floyd) is an eloquent & brilliant man who has made me reflect deeply on myself & the society I live in, but I'd never vote for him for any position. We need a warrior, not a poet.
If these sound to you like the words of a closed-minded, irrational person, whose head is in his ass, I would sincerely appreciate an in-depth analysis of my views, point for point if possible. I do not expect you to be convinced of anything at this point, and I do not patronize you by requesting this analysis, I merely would appreciate an acknowledgment that sound reasoning can lead in more than one direction (or at least proof that it doesn't), & an admission that one cannot be judged summarily by his political opinion. You were very rude to me without any provocation from myself, & I did not appreciate that. I am aware any such comments were made under inebriation (a state of which I am quite fond, so, no judgment passed there) & therefore cannot be taken too seriously. If you have read this far, I will consider the offense annulled.